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Matthew
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Would rather Walk in on your parents having sex than Have your parents walk in on you having sex.
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Would rather "Rock the Casbah" with Megan Fox than "Get Funky" with Beyoncé.
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Would rather Be a necrophiliac than Be into beastilality.
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Would rather Make one adult video per week than Work a full time job.
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Would rather have sex with a group of little boys than have sex with your mom.
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Would rather watch you and your girl/boyfriend's sex tape with your parents than watch your parent's sex tape.
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Would rather get raped by someone you hate than get your kidney ripped out.
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Would rather Be a spokesperson for a diarrhea/constipation remedy than Be a spokesperson for an erectile-dysfunction treatment.
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Would rather be a motherfuckin' wizard than be King of England.
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Would rather Be taken advantage of by Jessica Alba with a strap-on than Not.
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Would rather Teabag a bear trap than Clip your genitalia off with a nail clipper.
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Would rather Have a gorgeous spouse that was chaste than Have a fat and ugly spouse that enjoys frequent sex.
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Would rather Inherit $15,000 from a distant relative than Have you penis magically grow an extra inch in length and girth.
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Would rather Pee a marble than Poop a football.
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Would rather live in an amazing home isolated from any outside contact than live in a homeless shelter with internet access.
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Would rather Lick your grandfathers belly button than Kick your grandmother in the ovaries.
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Would rather Have a horrifying STI than Go throughout your life never once having any sort of sexual experience.
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Would rather Wipe your bottom with your hand than Have a penis for a nose.
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Would rather Kill your best friend than Kill yourself.
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Would rather eat pubic hair than eat the rotting corpse of a skunk.